I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
