and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
