He had one of those small greek statue penises
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
