i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
