New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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