On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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