So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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