dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
