So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
