I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
