soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
