already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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