Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
