im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
