I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
