Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
