I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
