yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
