it was like his penis was on wheels.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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