Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
