brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
