Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
