I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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