PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
