...so i touched it.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
