My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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