He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
