I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this hospital has no fireball
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
