my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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