Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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