the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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