he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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