Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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