i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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