therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
