If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
