If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
