So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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