I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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