I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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