The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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