hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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