Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
