***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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