But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
