he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
