Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
