I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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