I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
