im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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