I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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