I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just threw up on my dentist
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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