His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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