New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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