I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
