It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
