Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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