Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize