I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
