You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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