I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
