There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
