I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
