people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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