so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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