I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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