Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's shark week go big or go home
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
