I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize